Strange Doctrines

What I Mean by ‘Glory’

Everyone who’s worked the defense side in a criminal drug case knows that a special agent (it’s always a “special” agent) who gives “expert” testimony about “drug jargon” is subject to about the same semantic constraints as Humpty Dumpty. Basically, take even the most benign, everyday topic of conversation (say, “tickets to the Dodgers game”), and you can cast it as having some drug-related meaning encoded in it, if you try hard enough. And they usually do try hard enough.

All that just to say that Scott Greenfield has what I take to be the classic illustration:

I borrowed a client’s cellphone on the way home from an arraignment to call my mother, as it was her birthday and, well, I forgot to call. Two years later, I’m reading through transcripts of telephone conversations and see my call to my mother, with the notation, “birthday refers to delivery of large quantities of narcotics.” True story.

The Help

“‘[Obama] was wearing a tuxedo at a black-tie dinner, and somebody asked him to get coffee,’ the first lady added.”

This reminds me of the time my friend Don and I were playing a gig in Beverly Hills. He and I were standing together (both tuxedoed) chatting while on break, when a nice woman in her 50s approached, looked me up and down, then looked at Don (who is black), then gave him the used napkins and emptied pair of champagne glasses she’d been carrying. As she walked away, we both looked at each other and chuckled.

After our break, we decided to start the set with “Whitey on the Moon.” I'm kidding, of course. We didn't have anyone to play the bongo part.

The Dogs of Love

So I'm out walking the dogs when a voice emanates from one of the houses along the northern-most segment of N. Las Palmas Ave.: "F**k. C**t. Doggy of luuuuuv" (that's "love" with a long peaking tone).

Then again, as if for emphasis: "F**k. C**t. Doggy of luuuuuv."

As you might imagine, this curious proclamation left me with many questions. For one thing, what letters were the asterisks supposed to represent?

Writing for Your Audience

I have drafted my motion. It is closely reasoned, legally sound and normatively compelling.

Now if I could only find a way to convince the judge...

Philosophy and the Meaning Of It All

Brian Leiter links to this editorial preface to a book review of Examined Lives.

The editors begin with a common bugbear: "These days, the question of how to live a meaningful life seems to have been banished from philosophy departments." Colin McGinn (quoted by Leiter) teases out the thought: "The general message [of the piece] was that philosophy used to be about the meaning of life (good) but now it's about the meaning of language (bad)."

There are a lot of good comments in the thread to Leiter's post in response to this supposed problem. David Velleman's methodological and historical points are very apt, for example. But Charlie Huenemann delivers the riposte I wish I'd thought of:

Physics used to be about understanding nature. But now, if you read the journals, it's just about a bunch of math.

That Would Explain It

From BBC News - Reading Arabic 'hard for brain': "When someone learns to read Arabic they have to work out which letters are which, and which ones go with which sounds."

Cause and Effect

Oenophile

[ˈiːnəˌfaɪl]. n. One who savors and articulates various ways in which grape juice can go bad.

One Should Wield Guns in Campaign Ads Responsibly

I find it utterly charming that David Kopel's problem with Dale Peterson's campaign ad (Peterson is running for Alabama Agriculture Commissioner) isn't Peterson's Colonel-Kilgore affect, his inane tough talk about "thugs and criminals" (because nothing poses a greater threat to Alabama agriculture than thugs and criminals) or the fact that having dismounted his trusty steed (yes, that's right), he brandishes a very long, very manly-looking rifle. No. Kopel's problem is that while brandishing the rifle, Peterson "puts his trigger finger inside the trigger guard"!*

*Kopel's commenters point out that the trigger guard safetry rule doesn't apply to a lever-action gun with the hammer down. So I guess it's safe to vote for Peterson, then.

Petroleum Antinomy

To make up for all the oil lost in the Gulf, I'm trying to use fewer water bottles.

On the other hand, material from those bottles would come in really handy should there be a need for Operation Junk Shot II.

So maybe I should use more water bottles.

Drake's Principle

Every principle will break down under arbitrarily close scrutiny except for Drake's Principle.

Our Task (Criminal Defense Edition)

"We, as criminal defense lawyers, are forced to deal with some of the lowest people on earth, people who have no sense of right and wrong, people who will lie in court to get what they want, people who do not care who gets hurt in the process. It is our job – our sworn duty – as criminal defense lawyers, to protect our clients from those people."
—Cynthia Roseberry 

Seeds of Doubt

Weetabix Reloaded

Westlaw headnote of the day:

U.S. v. Rodriquez, 464 F.3d 1072
Formerly 406k17(4)
C.A.9.Wash.,2006
Evidence was sufficient to prove that defendant possessed the gun found in apartment, as required to support conviction for being a felon in possession of a firearm; witness testified that he asked defendant to get rid of the gun, defendant agreed to do so, but kept it, police observed defendant standing outside an open door to the apartment where the gun was found eating a bowl of cereal....

New Rule

What Spiros says about philosophy Q&A goes for all f#$king Q&A. And radio and television call-in programs, too. Also, when you are asking me a question.

(Via Brian Leiter.)

Spare the Rod

...and pour the water instead. Such has long been my counsel.

And I am most gratified to learn that, at last, a forward-looking head of household appears to have taken heed of my call.

Let it not be gainsaid: one can make a difference.

The Phatic Wilde

From Prospect Magazine:

(Via 3 Quarks Daily.)

On Christ’s Anguished Homosexual Love for Tchaikovsky’s Nephew

Yoni Brenner does Woody Allen channeling Alex Ross. (Or maybe the other way around.) Amusing.

You May Step Down

"Murder on a Sunday Morning" is a documentary about the arrest and trial of Brenton Butler, a black, fifteen year-old boy wrongfully accused of murder. The defense team on the case included Jacksonville public defender Patrick McGuinness, who is a bad ass.

Illustrative of McGuinness' lethal wit is the following tale, recounted by McGuinness in the documentary.  McGuinness is standing outside the courtroom with a detective, on a short recess before they go back inside so that McGuinness can cross examine him. McGuinness lights up a Lucky Strike. The detective looks at him ("There's no love lost between us," McGuinness notes) and says, "Suck down another cancer stick."

McGuinness replies, "I always enjoy a cigarette before sex."

Post Script: Neat story. A little less than a year ago, Matthew Shirk ran for Public Defender of Florida's Fourth Judicial District, which encompasses the Jacksonville office.

During his campaign, Shirk had pledged to the Fraternal Order of Police that assistant Public Defenders would not take a confrontational attitude with law enforcement officers in court. (I guess because confronting witnesses is wrong.) Anyway, once elected, Shirk fired McGuinness and his co-counsel in the Butler case Ann Finnell, along with eight other assistant PDs.

Never let it be said that Shirk has failed to live up to his name.

Why We're Here

Apparently, it's not to make friends:

(Via 3 Quarks Daily.)